You're in control
by weavery
Summary: Saizou helps Kamanosuke after a panic attack-induced nightmare. ((Modern AU in which Saizou and Kamanosuke are flatmates. )) **If you squint, they might be something more than just flatmates, iykwim.*


Some days it comes in the form of a packet of cigarettes on the counter in the kitchen. He inspects its inside and notices that there are fifteen left. The smell is subtle, and Saizou makes his way to where he knows the smoke is coming from. Outside in the balcony, Saizou finds Kamanosuke, dangerously perched on the half-wall, cig in hand and eyes lost in the busy street before him.

"How long have you been awake?"

"Since seven."

Saizou nodded and sat on the other edge of the half wall. He didn't say more, he understood perfectly by just seeing Kamanosuke's slouched posture and long drags of smoke.

A minute went by, Kamanosuke finished his cigarette and looked at Saizou, "I need another one."

"How many have you had today?"

"Around eight? one or two more or less, I lost count."

Kamanosuke got up, went inside and came back with the small box in hands and another cig between his lips. He got leaned into Saizou so that he could lit it for him.

And he goes back to his previous position and doesn't say more. Saizou respects that and remains silent as well, but still, not taking his sight away from the trembling hand holding the cig.

Other days, it's more subtle. Sometimes, he just sits and bounces his feet against the floor while checking his phone. Saizou only notices he isn't quite right when he doesn't see his chest going up and down at a normal pace, and he has to remind Kamanosuke to breathe again.

"Fuck off. I'm fine," he would often say slowly.

But Saizou would never take offence to those words.

"You've got it, you can control it," he responds instead in a calm voice.

Kamanosuke looks at him and grins.

"Of course, this bitch- is nothing against me."

And other times, it's just too much to control it. It does not happen often, but it does happen and neither of them likes it.

Kamanosuke doesn't sleep, not really. If he does, it's because he doped himself with some pills before going to bed and ends up sleeping 4 or 5 hours at max. However, there are nights where his body is just tired and his mind is too messed up to even try staying up any longer and collapses out of exhaustion. But it doesn't last long until his worst fears come to him.

From the other side of the flat, Saizou hears him toss in his bed, whining and whimpering. And then, he hears the jarring sound of his voice piercing through the walls. It doesn't stop, and he knows it won't stop until he wakes Kamanosuke up or until his own screaming wakes him up.

So he briskly walks to the bedroom on the other side; thankfully, Kamanuske did not lock the door tonight. He is trying to remain calm, but the screaming and cries are really getting to him. He has seen this scene many times, but no matter how many times it happens, it would be any easier seeing his friend being so scared and vulnerable.

He gets closer to the bed, and is at the moment that Kamanosuke quickly sits up and with terrified eyes looks around him. He knows it is Saizou in front of him, but his mind makes him believe is someone who is not in the room. When Saizou pats his head, he contracts himself in a ball and lets out a shriek.  
"Hey, Yuri. It's me, Saizou," he says softly, trying to stop the crying and whimpers that had restarted. "It's just me. You're okay. No one's going to hurt you, Yuri."

Kamanosuke's mind decides it's been enough and shuts down. He faints. At least his body will rest a bit, Saizou thinks.

Saizou takes care of untangling his arms and legs. He places himself behind the body, resting Kamanosuke's head on his lap. Saizou wishes he could do more than just caressing his arm and head to help him. He knows it won't be long until Kamanosuke wakes up either screaming out of panic again or completely disoriented. Thankfully, this night happens to be the latter.

"What... time is-s it?" Kamanosuke asks in a hoarse voice once he manages to focus his eyes on Saizou.

"Four in the morning. You were out for like 20 minutes."

Kamanosuke remains silent, trying to only think how good it felt to have Saizou combing his fingers through his hair.

"Do you want some water?" Saizou offers at the same time he is getting up slowly."

"Y-yes, bu-"

Looking at his eyes was enough to know Kamanosuke didn't want to be alone right now.

"It's just you and me in here, I'll be back quickly." He promises and leaves the room.

Kamanosuke looks around him once more, like inspecting for something he didn't notice the moment he woke up. There isn't anyone else and the night is quiet, there are not even cars racing down the street. He slowly feels more at ease, or maybe it was just his mind giving up once more.

Just like Saizou promised, he was back in less than ten seconds and helped Kamanasuke hold the cup of water to his lips. He then laid him back down and tucked him in. He sat again at the border of the bed and combed the red locks with his fingers. Saizou was tired, his eyes were struggling to remain open, but he wouldn't give himself the luxury of rest until he was sure Kamanosuke was okay to be alone. He would wait until he fell asleep to go back to his room and rest what was remaining of the night.

"Saizou?"

"Yeah?"

There was a long pause and for a moment Saizou doubted if Kamanosuke had said anything at all.

"Can you stay here tonight?" He asked timidly despite already knowing the answer.

Saizou smiled softly at him and nodded. He asked if he could turn the lights off or if he would rather sleep with the lights on, Kamanosuke told him it was okay to turn them off. He then climbed on to the bed, and laid next to Kamanosuke, who immediately sought his body in the dark. Saizou wrapped an arm around the thin waist and held his head against his chest.

They were in comfortable silence. Kamanosuke had stopped trembling with fear minutes ago and both were starting to close their eyes and finally rest. Saizou feels how Kamanosuke is holding tightly onto him as if he feared Saizou getting up at any moment. He moves slightly and Kamanosuke's grip tightens quickly.

"Hey, I'm not going anywhere," Saizou states and brings Kamanosuke's body closer to his in an attempt of demonstrating he really meant what he said.

"Sorry, old habits."

"It's okay. Please relax a little, or you'll asphyxiate me in my sleep." Saizou jokes, which manages to get a faint smile from Kamanosuke.

After some minutes, finally, they feel the exhaustion catching up to them and they fall asleep in each other's arms.

* * *

I thought I had published this before.


End file.
